Sometimes life is just hard.
There's no way around it, and you just have to trudge through until you come to the other side of whatever it is.
And it gets a little easier, and the road is a little less bumpy.
And that's the way this summer has been.
I have been working hard to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared to go back to school - back to work - after the very unexpected death of my brother.
My baby brother.
The one I was always responsible for, who grew to be taller than any of us.
The one that always came up with the ideas that got us into trouble, but he got away with it because we "were older and should know better".
The one with a ready smile and a friendly hug.
He is gone...
and my heart aches for what I've lost, for what we've all lost. What heaven has gained. But I have lost.
My heart hurts when I see my parents struggle.
What mama should see her baby die????
Life is so hard.
I hate feeling this way, but I know that in order to get over it, I have to go through it.
And I guess that's what makes it so hard.
There is no getting around it, no short cut to take. Oh, how I wish there was. How I cry out that this would be a bad dream, and I could wake up.
But I wake up, and it's real, and I take a deep breath, pray for help, and go on.
I want to quit.
OH, how I want to quit. But I can't. I can't, for the sake of my mother, who still sobs every time she sees his baby picture. I can't, for the sake of my twelve year old son who worries so much about me when he sees me tear up. I can't quit. So I take a deep breath.
I pray for help.
I go on.